April 25, 2023

The origins of Manbearalienpig

In a galaxy far, far away, there existed an ancient alien race known as the Ganjanoids. They were generally a mellow and highly advanced species (if not a bit cold), renowned for their ability to cultivate and consume the finest cannabis in the universe.

With their technological prowess, they unlocked the ability to travel quickly through space and time. They now specialized in reconnaissance missions to terraform planets to grow more of their beloved herb to keep up with their ever-increasing smoking habits.

One day, whilst on an exploratory mission to a distant blue planet, the Ganjanoids spotted a series of pyramids emerging from a bleak desert landscape. On closer inspection, they had stumbled upon a primitive civilization. On even closer inspection they noticed at the base of the largest pyramid these humanoids were cultivating a unique strain of cannabis that they had never encountered before. After sampling this sticky icky through a combination of the humanoid's primitive smoking tools, a ‘lungi and bucket’ the Gananoid crew temporarily forgot where they had parked their flying saucer.

Fascinated by the potency and flavour of this special earth weed, the Ganjanoids exchanged some alien technology to say thanks for the sesh and took some cuttings back to their home planet to experiment with.

(Later it would emerge that the primitive peoples’ strain would be lost to the sands of time and later be known as the holy grail.)

Back on planet Ganja, The experimentation quickly went awry when one of the Ganjanoid scientists, Zarikar, after one too many bowls of the extraterrestrial earthweed became obsessed with creating the ultimate cannabis strain.

He began furiously crossing the Earth weed with the Ganjanoid's own space weed varieties, isolating the very best traits and using full planet grow-outs to test the progeny of his selections.

Now being paranoid, all he could think about was that other species might try to pinch his precious prized strain. Fueled by this paranoia he went on a rogue mission to abduct random life forms to bring back to his lab where he used his advanced knowledge of genetic splicing to create a new species that would serve as both the perfect guard and cultivator for their crops.

The result of his experimentation was Manbearalienpig, a bizarre fusion of a creature. It possessed the strength and agility of a bear, the intelligence of an alien, the adaptability of a human, and the curiosity of a pig.

Despite his fearsome appearance, Manbearalienpig was gentle and a kind soul by nature. All he asked for was a supply of nice quality cereal, a roof over his head and to be able to have a toke at the end of a hard day's work. The Ganjanoids, however, saw him only as a tool and treated him poorly, often depriving him of his favourite food, cereal.

One day, after being mistreated one too many times, the straw broke the Manbearalienpig’s back. Enough was enough and he decided to take matters into his own hands. Whilst the Ganjanoids were getting baked and watching re-runs of It’s Always Sunny in Ganjadelphia, He set fire to the Ganjanoids' crop and hotboxed the entire planet’s atmosphere, causing the aliens to pass out from the fumes.

Using his bear-boned knowledge of space travel, he piloted an escape pod and fled through countless wormholes at light speed, with only a stash of the finest autoflowering seeds and his treasured cereal to sustain him.

After wandering the galaxy for what felt like an eternity, Manbearalienpig finally arrived back in the orbit of Earth. There, he encountered a dishevelled, lost-looking space weasel.

Manbearalienpig had a chat with the space weasel named Barry, from the Star Pilferer’s family clan, who’d been extradited for being a naughty little weasel.

Manbearalienpig, being an empathetic kind soul, knowing how it was to be alone in the universe, let the weasel into his ship.

He didn’t know however that Barry had a hidden agenda, and after nurturing and caring for the little weasel, the weasel only had eyes for Manbearalienpig’s stash of seeds and had been sneakily eating them in secret.

Manbearalienpig usually a cereal-vore, one day cottoned on to this, as his seed stash was diminishing at an alarming rate, and as luck would have it, after some previous Ganjanoid cook-outs he also had a penchant for meat. Using his wit and cunning, he tricked and ate the greedy dastardly weasel.

Unfortunately, the weasel’s meat gave him a super bad tummy and he had the most explosive bowel movement of his life (second only to an over-spiced Ganjanoid vindaloo) that rocketed down to Earth in a blaze of glory.

The magical Manbearalienpig shit of destiny streaked through the sky breaking up as it passed through Earth’s atmosphere. A few segments made landfall, and one touched down in a forest in Northern Spain.

Two very handsome English chaps, basically Adonises, (and very modest too) Mitch and Tim, had seen this event whilst sharing a doob on their balcony, and the next day went on a walk in the woods with their pup Marley to investigate the strange occurrences from the evening prior.

To their amazement they walked through some eerie green mist, stumbling upon a mystical cannabis plant that was glowing and pulsating at a strange frequency.

A happy accident, Fertilized by Manbearalienpig’s poop, the seeds the weasel had eaten, sprouted. The plant had an incredibly short cycle, in just one day it grew, pollinated itself, and bore big fat seeds that you could top your salad with.

These new seeds were miraculous, the most miraculous autoflowering seeds that the boys had ever seen.

Mitch and Tim began cultivating these seeds, and soon they realized that they had stumbled upon something truly special.

They looked to the stars in wonder and saluted in honour of the magical creature and events that had inadvertently led them to this discovery.

And thus catalysing the adventure of Mephisto Genetics.

And so, the legend of Manbearalienpig lives on, as a symbol of the transformative power of cannabis and the strange and wondrous possibilities that can arise when different worlds collide.

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