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Bear Assed Monkey

Genetic Heritage
3 Bears OG x 4 Assed Monkey
Seed Type
F1 Feminised Automatic
Cycle Time
70 to 80 days from sprout
Project Introduction and Overview:

Dropping as Illuminauto #41 in 2020, Bear Assed Monkey was an Artisanal head-to-head of one of our favourite Indica-leaning hybrids and a straight-up, no-nonsense 50/50. 3 Bears has been a strain we’ve loved to tinker and tweak with crosses since it was first released; it quickly became a cornerstone of our Artisanal collection. There are so many branches of the Mephisto genetic library that have their roots in this stellar beauty, and for good reason. Crossing her with 4 Assed Monkey was an open goal as far as we were concerned, that straight-up lemon funk from Mother Bear mixed with the classic diesel, chocolate and coffee from Daddy Monkey. The Gorilla Glue parentage shines through, an old classic brought back to the fore, making this the only glue on the market worth huffing.

Strain behaviour and structure:

On paper, you may regard the proposition of a Bear Assed Monkey grow as a combination of two lower-medium sized plants crossed together, as nothing to get your panties in a twist about, but in reality, this hybrid is a wholly different scenario. Bear Assed Monkey is a strain we can easily run out of superlatives to describe; in short, she’s a tremendous addition to the catalogue, creating bulky plants loaded with flowers that would give a cavern's worth of quartz a run for its money. Bear Assed Monkey gets out of the gates pretty well, and throughout the veg cycle can be grown au-naturel, but will benefit highly from simple leaf tucking every few days paired with very strategic light defoliation. LST can be done successfully but isn’t a requirement to create an even bush of weighty buds. Speaking of weight, she’s definitely a heavyweight. Her effect is STRONG. You might get nicknamed the vet as it’s enough to knock out a small pony or get a bachelor-sized party of novices stoned to the gills. Seasoned tokers should also prick up their ears. If anyone is looking for evening/night-time stoney meds, a jar of Bear Assed Monkey in your medicine cabinet is not to be missed. Yield is more than decent, 120g+ plants are not uncommon for an experienced hand.

In the weeds.

50 to 80cm
80 to 120 grams
Aroma and Flavour
Classic lemon funk, aggressively earthy.
Warming body high
Best Grown
Medicinal Effect
Great for insomnia and aching joints

Bear Assed Monkey


Because we all need some swag.

Bear Assed Monkey

If you're anything like us you'll love your slaps! This is a brand new design for 2022 by our favourite designer Meph_Head! This product is a single Bear Assed Monkey strain sticker. This sticker is between 3-4" (75-100mm) in size, is die cut and printed with a gloss finish that is UV/weather resistant so is suitable for indoor or outdoor use.

Bear Assed Monkey

/ piece

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Bear Assed Monkey

in action

Photos from our beloved MephHeads.
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